I..I actually did it! OMG. I actually did get an A1 :') I really.. there's SO many emotions I'm feeling right now; so much I feel like it's drowning me ..I am just really very overwhelmed right now gah. And I'm also probably the only one so emotional about this whole thing.. No one cried even though they got a B3 but here I am sobbing my eyes out while clutching my A1 cert, and I feel so bad. Like I shouldn't be the one needing tissues! I should be the one offering hugs and comfort food :( I feel like such a bad, selfish friend. I don't know what to say..because now I'm in no position to say I understand how they feel.. but I want so badly to lend them a shoulder. I've always been last in class for Chinese. I understand the feeling of being..inferior. While the whole class passed, I was the only one who bagged a D7 for Chinese. I dragged the whole class down; I threw the teacher's face. She couldn't say her class got 100% passes because of a piece of crap like me. And I've been like this my whole sec school life so you can pretty much say that yes, I DO understand the feeling of being..a failure. And yes, I've jumped 7 grades since my EOY. From a D7 to A1. Which is why even though I expected nothing less than an A1 for myself, I couldn't actually, really believe it. It was..surreal. And I just broke down right there. Aish. So embarrassing. :( My hand was shaking so bad when I signed the paper, and I could no longer control my facial muscles. In short, I was spazming and probably looking nuts when I collected my grades. Good memories to keep eh? :D But, I just wanna say that I am VERY grateful for this A1. I know I didn't study hard. I've NEVER handed in/completed a piece of Chinese homework on time, (yeah, pretty sure about this) in my whole 3 years of sec school. I in fact, only sort of studied the day before and got all nervous and crazy on the actual day. BUT. I appreciate this 'A' ALOT. Although I believe I got it through 50% praying, 30% luck and only 20% hard work, I would NEVER take it for granted. I would not get complacent just because of 1 A. Because I don't want to walk down my brother's path. I don't want what could have been to crash and burn. Now that I have this chance, this confidence boost, I want to make the best out of it. (: There's an Amath test and Elect. History test tomorrow (oops,I mean today since it's past midnight already) and I really hope to pass. :D Although I haven't started studying..? Heheheh :DD No change here from being a lazy bum so far.
And I guess dad was really happy about my results too, so I'll be getting a new desktop/laptop soon!! XD This laptop has served me well for 3 years though, and I love it to bits even if I get kinda cranky at it every now and then since it has gotten a little slow over the years. It was a wondiiiifull day all in all!^^ The only downside is that I really really don't know whether to bring up Os and comfort my friends who got a B3. Many told me they think I should just let them cry and chill alone first, give them some time, and not mention Os anymore. But then I think of them putting on a brave face in class and then going home and crying alone..and I just can't..I think everyone would appreciate a shoulder to cry on even if they hate appearing weak in front of others. I for one, hate crying in front of anyone VERY much, since once I start crying I can't stop, and then I just end up looking like a hot bubbly mess. (whut) I would prefer to be alone if it's me I guess, but I just feel like I should let them know that I'm always here and always will be..though I really don't know how to open my mouth..because they've always worked so much harder than me and always gotten much better results so I probably would be the last person they want to confide in right now. :( Well, I'll just go with the flow I guess. Really very thankful to those who saw me crying and just hugged me without opening their mouths to ask me for my results. VERY grateful. :') Because I may have very well gotten a C, and though they may have been dying to know my grades, they kept their mouths shut and prioritized being a good friend first. For that, I'm so grateful because I know that I have a bunch of great, awesome, true friends, and I'll always treasure them alott. Promise. :D For now though, I guess I should end this post and go mug for my two tests tomorrow so I wouldn't fail toooo horribly! XD byeeezxc
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